Lessons in Reality
by
Patty Pino, Bridal Consultant (retired)
Both of my brothers were married recently. As if helping Rent-a-DJ's 300
couples last year with their weddings weren't enough!... Look at some
of the bumps in what we thought was a well paved road on my brother Jimmy's
wedding day...
Don’t
Forget the Realities of your Wedding Day
Enough about wedding formalities, let me tell you about my brother’s
reception. When Jim and Enza first got engaged, they came to me for advice
and I went over some basic tips for booking and planning the wedding.
My sister-in-law was/is a very well organized person who had envisioned
her wedding from the age of 10 years, so I left out a bunch of stuff I
usually tell my wedding clients.
First
Lesson in Reality:
Never take for granted that someone else knows what you know/envisions
what you’ve envisioned/plans what you have planned. Spell things
out in detail for all (caterer, photographer, videographer, bridesmaids,
parents, etc.) involved in the day. It is better to be giving out too
much information than not enough. I should not have “assumed”
(and we know the lesson there) that because Enza was really into the wedding
thing, she and my brother would know all. I learned my lesson on their
wedding day.
It was a wonderful wedding. My brother and his bride (O.K., mostly his bride) had planned a beautiful day. The weather was perfect, the candles, the flowers, the music (of course, the music!), the food - just a great event. At the reception, my brother approached me and asked if I “had any cash.” Apparently, the strolling musicians who had performed for their cocktail hour were waiting to be paid. Yes, they needed to be paid immediately. Yes, they only took cash. Yes, that was in the formal agreement that my brother had signed some 10 months prior.
Second
Lesson in Reality:
Read your contracts again in the week prior to your wedding. Confirm everything
again, and find out how the balance should be paid. Even if you handled
many of the details in advance, in those crazy days leading up to your
event, it is difficult to recall every financial responsibility
I fortunately had the foresight to bring $100 with me “just in case” (and here was that case) but that wasn’t enough. My brother and I approached my father to hit him up for some additional funding. He was happy to help us by giving us all the money he had brought to the event - $30!! - still not enough.
Third
Lesson in Reality:
Make arrangements for someone to have some emergency money at the reception.
You don’t want to get stuck frantically tearing open gift envelopes
on your special day. In all fairness, this was our first family wedding
and my Dad was not versed in the “father of the groom” stuff.
(See First Lesson in Reality). My mom was able to come up with the remainder
of the balance and it all worked out. However, we spent more than a few
hectic moments on this task and all could have been prevented with proper
planning. The reception went by too quickly! As the crowd thinned and
the music wound down, Jim and Enza were faced with yet additional stress.
Enza had quite a few relatives in attendance from Italy. Non-English speaking,
non-driving relatives who had no way to get back to their hotel at this
wee hour of the morning. Arrangements had been made for these folks to
get to the church and the reception (people tend to help early in the
day). Now, we were staring at these 15 people with no way home.
Fourth
Lesson in Reality:
Transportation can get hectic. The bridal party may arrive in a limo,
but have no way to depart. People may drink to excess, and not be able
to drive. Check into alternative options. Does the Hotel have a shuttle?
Can a few of your responsible friends or relatives take separate vehicles
so they can transport others home? Enza wound up calling a few of her
cousins at home to return to assist with “the Italians”. They
were nice enough to get these folks to their respective abodes.
People were so generous! So many pretty gifts and the decorated mailbox was full of envelopes. But, oops! How were these things getting home?
Fifth
Lesson in Reality:
Assign basic tasks to bridal party members, relatives, or friends in advance
of the wedding day. Who will return the rented tuxes? Who will make sure
the groomsmen get their corsages? Who will collect the unity candles and
bows at the church after the ceremony? If you make these advance arrangements,
you can then leave for your honeymoon knowing the bus boy didn’t
wind up with your new “Chip and Dip” bowl. In this case, it
was great that I had an “in” with the DJ. John had his truck
and was able to transport me, all the gifts, and the rented mailbox (in
addition to all the equipment!) back to my car. It was not fun transferring
those gifts into my back seat at 3 a.m., but it was better than leaving
them behind.
If Jim and Enza’s
wedding had been a book, it would have been a great introduction and perfect
story, with no conclusion. They had thought of every detail leading up
to their memorable day, but not the details of how it might end. I hope
their Lessons in Reality (and mine) will help lessen some of the stress
of your wedding day. After all, this day is truly a celebration of your
commitment to a lifetime of love for one another!
